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Monday, April 2, 2007

Goood Morning :P

Murphy's Laws of EMS
The First Law of EMS:
All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, without regard to the time.
Corollary 1: Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.
Corollary 2: Always order food "to go".

The Law of Gravity:
Any instrument, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least accessible place possible.

The Rule of Random Syncronicity:
Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.

The Law of Respiratory Arrest:
All patients who are vomiting and must be intubated will have just completed a large meal of Barbecue and Onions, Garlic Pizza, and Pickled Herring, all of which was washed down with at least three cans of Beer.

The First Rule of Equipment:
Any piece of Life-saving Equipment will never malfunction or fail until: a)You need it to save a life, or b)The salesman leaves.

The Other Rules of Equipment:
Interchangeable parts don't....
Leak proof seals will.....
Self-starters won't......

The Law of Triage:
In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming produced by that patient.

The Gross Injury Law:
Any injury, the sight of which makes you want to puke, should immediately be covered by 4x4's and Kerlix.

The Law of EMS Educators:
Those who can't do, teach.

The Law of EMS Evaluators:
Those who can't do or teach, evaluate.

The Law of Light:
As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of light to examine that injury decreases.

The Law of Space:
The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies inversely with the amount of space which is available to work on that patient.

EMS Relativity:
The number of distraught and uncooperative relatives surrounding any given patient varies exponentially with the seriousness of the patient's illness or injury.

The First Rule of Bystanders
Any bystander who offers you help will give you none.

The Second Rule of Bystanders:
Always assume that any Physician found at the scene of an emergency is a Gynecologist, until proven otherwise. (Unless the emergency is obstetrical in nature, then the bystander will be a Dermatologist.)

The Law of Rules:
As soon as an EMS Rule is accepted as absolute, an exception to that Rule will immediately occur.